It’s the biggest question involving bug chasing and it only has three letters — why? Why would someone want to get infected with HIV? The virus that currently has no cure can result in serious health implications and will eventually lead to death if medication is not taken to stop the virus entering the AIDS stage. Why is actually a simple three letter question, but the answer isn’t as simple, because the reason can be unique to each person. The answer could consist of one reason, a combination of reasons, or there might not be a reason that can be defined.

Some of the possible reasons will be explored in more detail, but it’s worth noting that some people might not consider being a bug chaser a choice. One of the factors relates to ‘mind programming’ and some people I have spoken with describe feeling naturally connected to the virus, where it’s constantly in their mind and they don’t feel as though it’s a choice. It’s possible there are factors influencing their thinking, but it’s important to consider there very well might be something built into them that does make a person feel this way naturally and makes it seem like less of a choice.

To delve deeper into this possibility, a comparison we could explore is one that relates to sexuality. Sexuality used to be much simpler; gay, bisexual, lesbian, straight (pretty much). Now there are many other terms that define a person’s sexuality, but each of these terms originates to one simple source — that each person’s thinking has been programmed to feel an attraction toward a certain person, whether they are male, female, both or neither. In the case of love and attraction, a person can “feel” an attraction towards someone, like a magnet. A person can try overriding the way they think by shifting their thinking, which then makes this more of a choice, but the emphasis here is more about each of us having a built in “magnet” or compass that helps guide us without having to think too much and it’s this feeling that some bug chasers have used to describe a natural attraction to the virus.

There are some bug chasers who have described other reasons that fall into the “making a choice” category. This is where things can become more complicated, because we all walk different paths on this planet and there are many complexities that give each of us individual thinking and because of this, there is no single answer to the question. Below are a number of reasons that have been described by bug chasers that resonate with them when it comes to their bug chasing influences.

Community
Some people want to feel like they are part of a community, so they figure that being part of the HIV community is something that fits this criteria. There are many HIV charities and community groups that are well connected, with support groups, social get-togethers and interaction that brings people together through a common theme, which is HIV.

Conditioning
There are judgemental and close-minded people throughout the world who hold the belief that all gay people have HIV or AIDS and if they don’t, then they should have the disease and can be vocal with their views. After hearing people continually saying this or reading comments from people with views along these lines can condition the mindset into believing this is real, which could be a catalyst.

Curiosity
It’s a well-known fact that there is a higher number of HIV-positive people involving men who have sex with men. Becoming immersed in the stories about HIV and hearing from others who are HIV-positive can generate a curiosity or interest about what it’s like to be HIV-positive and some people want to personally experience what it’s like.

Desire
People can be driven by fantasies and follow their instincts, which can sometimes take them to places where they haven’t been before. Some might take note of where they are at and hold back, but for others, they want to ride the emotions and see where it takes them and understand why they feel the way they feel.

Destruction
Bug chasers feel the need to become HIV-positive, but will most likely take medication before the virus reaches the AIDS stage. There are others who might be feeling suicidal or want to die, so they want to become HIV-positive and let the virus take full control of their body until it overwhelms them and completely consumes their life, regardless of the financial, health or social impacts.

Freedom
Worrying about condoms or having conversations about Sexually Transmitted Infections can be discussions some men don’t want to have, so knowing they are HIV-positive opens up the ability in their minds to have unprotected sex with whomever they want, without having to feel guilty or worrying about the implications. Some have described this freedom as giving them a sense of relief and being able to breathe again.

Guilt
In the early days of the epidemic, there were no medications or treatments able to help those who contracted HIV, which then meant the virus progressed to AIDS and millions of people died. Those who lost friends and/or family to AIDS were sometimes left with survivor guilt, which overpowered them and ultimately made them feel compelled to end up experiencing a similar fate.

Identity
There are some gay men who associate being HIV-positive with a part of being gay and some of this thinking is the result of people believing that all gay people have HIV or AIDS. Because some gay men have friends who are HIV-positive, they feel as though becoming HIV-positive will result in them living a life that is equal to that of their friends.

Loneliness
The saying “the grass isn’t always greener on the other side” is something people can be curious about. Gay men can often be lonely and the feeling of loneliness can leave them searching for something different. Sometimes this can bring them to the point where it’s considered that HIV-positive men are part of a tight-knit community and it’s worth signing up to becoming a member by contracting the virus.

Power
There are different levels of power in this world and quite often it’s the view that the rich hold the power, whilst those who are less wealthy have less or no power at all. Being HIV-positive gives someone the ability to transmit the virus to another person, which means that they can use their penis and bodily fluid as weapon. This can put someone who wants to transmit the virus to another person in a powerful position, as they have the ability to change the lives of others.

Relief
Many bug chasers in the late 1990s and early 2000s considered relief as the reason why they became bug chasers. Medications and treatments were limited at the time, which meant barebackers potentially exposed themselves to the virus each time they had unprotected sex, which sometimes created internal conflicts and worry. Some men chose to intentionally become HIV-positive so they were in control of when it happened and no longer had to worry about the unknown once they knew they had become infected.

Reproduction
Sexual intercourse in the heterosexual world can lead to pregnancy, with the sperm from the male being able to fertilize the egg of the female to create life. Some gay men feel connected to the reproduction process as a way of mimicking pregnancy, with the viral sperm infecting the other person. Over time, the heterosexual pregnancy creates life in the form of a baby, with the homosexual version creating life in the form of a virus, which continues to replicate as it lives inside the person after they have been infected.

Risk
Sex is meant to be exciting, but we each have different levels of sexual desire, with some associating the higher level of risk with a more intense sexual pleasure. This can be the opposite for some men who feel relief as a result of being infected, so those who seek pleasure from the risk know they are playing with fire each time they have unprotected sex with someone who could be HIV-positive and have a detectable viral load.

Sexual
HIV-positive guys sometimes have the persona of being more sexual and having a stronger sex drive than guys who are HIV-negative. This can vary based on each person, but there can be an interest in whether the virus can lead to higher levels of sexual pleasure, so some guys are willing to give it a try for themselves because they want to experience higher levels of sexual intensity.

Social
Feeling connected to other people who have something in common can lead to a social connection. For HIV-positive men, having the same virus puts them on an equal level in terms of where they are at sexually, which can give them a better insight into the workings and improve social aspects to bring people closer together through the virus. People have HIV-positive family or friends might aspire to be just like them.

Welfare
In some countries, being HIV-positive can mean that people qualify for disability or receive financial assistance because of their HIV status. This may not be common these days due to medical advances that can help HIV-positive people live a relatively normal life, but there might still be some benefits that make people think it’s worthwhile reaching the point where it can begin providing them with financial benefits.

As you can see from the various possibilities and scenarios, there is no simple answer as to why someone is a bug chaser. Some bug chasers may have one primary reason for chasing, while others may have various reasons, with fragments from several of the possibilities driving them. Sometimes the simplest questions cannot be given a basic answer, which reinforces the fact that bug chasing is complicated and involves many levels of emotions and sometimes bug chasers find it difficult to pinpoint the exact reason that resonates the strongest for them.

Please share your thoughts about which reason resonates the most with you as a bug chaser or if you are curious about bug chasing by leaving a comment below. If there are other reasons you feel connected to the virus that aren’t already mentioned, please share more in the comments below so further reasons can be added to the list. It’s also important to consider that the reason is personal to each bug chaser, so there should be no pressure trying to figure out which reason applies.

It might take a long time to figure out the reason you are most connected with and you don’t actually need to have a reason. People trying to figure out the reasoning behind bug chasing who might not be bug chasers themselves would expect you to have a reason and might be confused if you can’t give them one. But the truth is that it’s none of their business what your reason is and whether you have one. You might not have one, or you might have one or several reasons, but if you don’t have one, that’s perfectly fine, just as long as you know where you are at and you are comfortable with yourself.


Featured Photo: Arek Socha from Pixabay.
Article ID: CC007
Version Control: 1.0 – September 26, 2021: Original article published.

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Van

Jason – If you don’t mind me asking, are you any closer to taking the plunge and getting pozzed? And if you were going to convert, do you know who you’d like to do the deed for you?

Van

Thanks for the reply, Jason. And would you stick with hopefully getting pozzed the regular way or would you add a toothbrush to your hole to help it along. It always seems to me that the chase is as enthralling as the actual conversion…

alfred

I want to become poz because it is the equivalent of being pregnant. Even though I can’t have a baby I can carry a guys poz seed

Jez

The ‘Why’ question is one that I have often asked myself and never reached an entirely satisfactory answer. In this article Jason goes through many reasons why a man might chase the HIV virus, but my rational mind still can’t entirely get around why I am so overwhelmingly attracted to something that could make me ill and ultimately kill me. My subconscious mind and my cock finds the whole thing the absolute ultimate turn on.

I have had major fetishes before that have consumed me: Piss play in all its manifestations for a while drove my hookups and masturbation fantasies. It is still a turn on and something that I quite often do, but It is no longer the main event.

For a while I was totally consumed by an interest in circumcision (I am uncut). This is slightly odder, but I think it was to do with having a part of your body changed, perhaps as the result of pressure from a dominant male, or perhaps joining a subgroup of the gay community whose members are often encouraging of converts to the cause. This has parallels with conversion to HIV positive status perhaps. The circumcision fetish disappeared as quickly as it came. The subject now does not even raise the beginnings of an erection and I am still uncut.

I now have difficulties casting my mind back to exactly how and when HIV became such an obsession. I am (I would say) a fairly cautious guy. The child of older parents who slept in separate bedrooms and simply never ever mentioned sex in front of me. Perhaps the very fact that sex was so off limits made me so interested in it. I loved drawings of cocks on bathroom walls and even better, stories of what men did with them. Because of my upbringing doing anything sexual was a big taboo and I think that breaking taboos is a strong part of what turns me on sexually. My attraction to piss play is one such and deliberately (or carelessly) getting infected with HIV is another.

As a result of a far from enjoyable encounter when I was 17 I was completely fucked up about actually having sex with a real human being and celibate until age of nearly 30 (what a waste of all that cum!) this coincided with the AIDS epidemic which simply scared and didn’t excite me at all. Still in the habit of visiting toilets to read the stories (Gay porn was still rare out of the big cities and the internet way off in the future) I struck lucky and somehow plucked up the courage to fuck an older guy in the back of my car. I used condoms of course, but the guy (John) became a mate and still is. I went round to his rooms on a regular basis and over the course of a few months he patiently changed me from a scared neurotic virgin to a confident top. He introduced me to some of his sex mates for three and moresomes and introduced me to piss play. John’s sexual activities were far from local, he was a compulsive cruiser and went up to London to clubs at the weekends, exciting me with stories of his adventures. While he stuck to condoms with me, he increasingly was fucked bareback by many of his many sexual partners.

By the time he eventually converted to being an HIV POZ man we were no longer having sex due to a relationship I had formed, but we were still mates and would chat about his status and the fact that he no longer used condoms at all. John was very matter of fact about being POZ and unfazed by it. He was on medication, healthy and happy and having loads of very uninhibited bareback sex. Sounded like a lot more fun than I was getting at that stage.

This made me think: perhaps being POZ was not so terrible after all. The raw sex sounded great, the freedom to fuck who you wanted without fear or regret sounded incredible and very appealing. By now I was on the internet, I started to explore. When I window shopped profiles on cruising sites seeing guys who played raw or were even POZ began to give me a buzz.

The next thing that happened was during a session fooling around with my very risk averse then partner, my cock slipped into the entrance to his hole uncondomed. Instead of insisting I rubbered up he let me fuck him bareback. WOW. When we split up a year or so later, I tried going back to condoms, but I was no good. Realising what I had been missing there was no alternative to raw sex. As well as the physical sensation, the taboo nature of what I was doing and the fact that barebackers were so much more fun in bed than safe only types made it a no brainer. I posted some short videos of my raw exploits on the net. My mate John was quite surprised I had embraced barebacking so enthusiastically, but was excited and encouraging of this new development.

To begin with I serosorted but after a while raw sex, at first so forbidden and risky, began to feel good, but slightly commonplace. I had discovered various websites that not only promoted bareback sex, but celebrated guys who had converted to POZ status. At first the idea that someone would deliberately chase the bug shocked me, but as I read, my cock was rock hard. Finding Breedingzone and bbrt was a major turning point. Here was community of guys that encouraged and supported each other. I more and more focussed on POZ centric porn jerking off over the conversion stories and drooling over the biohazard tatts. By now I was at the “don’t ask, don’t tell” stage having multiple hookups without discussing status. The risk was compulsive and so horny. Each time I went to be tested, I got hard at the STI clinic especially when I proudly answered ‘NEVER’ to questions about my condom use. The neg results caused relief, but by now were also slightly disappointing…..Although I am mainly a top, I was far from being resistant to the allure of the idea of a POZ cock breeding my arse and eventually I plucked up the courage to hook up with my first known HIV POZ guy he was undetectable, but this was still a major step for me.

We made the arrangement the day before as he was some distance away and that night I didn’t sleep so stimulated by an intoxicating mixture of fear, horniness and excitement. The hook up was the best so far of my life and the post orgasmic regrets that I had feared might descend did not materialise. Instead I felt a sense of purpose, very proud of what I had done after so much fantasizing and eager for more. I was not on Prep and considered it but for somewhat unconsidered reasons never persued the matter. POZ roulette it was to be.

So my reasons for being attracted to HIV POZ status :

A love of breaking taboos (there were others which are not relevant here)

A big Buzz from having risky sex especially with men that I thought might be HIV POZ. this made undiscussed status especially exciting for me.

A desire to explore: I have become more piggy in my sexual tastes with time.

A reaction against my very sexually conservative upbringing and a desire not to miss out again after a very late sexual maturity (and all those condoms).

A feeling of community with other barebackers and admiration for the guys who had proudly gone the full way and converted.

The idea that I might enjoy having a charged cock even if I eventually went on meds

An undeniable attraction to guys who are sexually powerful, POZ, uninhibited, adventurous and able to breed in the most primal and life changing way.

Rowan

I think having podcasts on the site is a brilliant way of discussing in more detail some of the topics. The verbal communication in speech allows the listener to hear how thoughts or information is expressed along with the dialogue and tone. How something is said in speech adds power and opinion to the conversation. I would be happy to take part in a podcast if and when you decide to add his to the site.

NS2021

I could easily relate to Alfred’s words on this quite strongly and the thought of such motivation is arousing to me. Will you draft a personal essay on your motivations or at least all the elements that over the years led you to type of desire? I would be looking forward to doing that and see everybody be able to open up about it as we seldom if ever put a subject and a verb together to even say something on a sexual matter. This would be liberating and breaking every ice around us …

alfred

When I become poz it will make me feel a part of a community. I am so curious about being poz that I want a poz top to fuck me bareback. Since I’m a bottom I believe I should have HIV or AIDS. I want the virus to take control of me. Since I’m gay I believe I should be HIV+. Since I’m lonely sometimes I want to become poz in order to become part of a community. Being poz would give me power. I want to become poz so I don’t have to worry about it anymore. Since I can’t have a baby I’m willing to have a poz top fuck me until I become pregnant with his seed. Even though sex with poz tops is risky it is more exciting. I want to become poz so I’ll have a stronger sex drive. I want to be connected to other poz guys. The thought of becoming poz is very arousing to me.

Michael

This resonates the most with my thoughts and feelings also, I resisted for many years of my life, but at the same time with deep seated feelings and thoughts that it is what was right and should have been for me, but for such a long time was not able to comprehend why I was feeling that way. I finally came to know and understand it was and is the one thing that I need and crave for the complete connection to my fellow gay brothers. I now look and see it as an indoctrination and graduation into a very special group or clan of special individuals and I desire the connection so very much.